It’s Vulnerable To Be Feminine

Written by Jessie Keller, May 30, 2025

A few years ago, I was showing a Cuban friend of mine a video of one of my favorite female dancers. As he watched, he mentioned that her movements were masculine. I had to stop for a moment and hear him out. After pondering this for many years. I realized he was right. This does not change the fact that I still love her creativity but my friend was right in that the movements she chose were more masculine.

I realize it is much easier for me to teach the leader's part although I love dancing the follow's part. But teaching the fluidity of the female part feels vulnerable. Maybe when I’m on the dance floor it comes naturally but when I slow it down and have to embody the flow, grace, gentle, fluid movements of the female, it is sometimes really hard for me. 

I believe that in each human being, there are both masculine and feminine energies. In dance, the leader is the embodiment of the masculine and the follow is the embodiment of the feminine. There are moments when we need one to come out more than the other but I feel like there has been so much emphasis on leading that following almost seems less then. Yet what we don’t realize is that by following, we are supporting the leader and that being a great follower is actually really hard. One can look like a good follower when you are dancing choreography but actually following, not knowing what is going to happen next and simply responding while making it look beautiful, takes a lot of practice. 

When we look inward at the balance of our inner male and female. Is there one that is more dominant? Have you investigated why one is pushed aside while the other is more visible? Has society and family placed their impact on your inner male and female? 

Growing up my mom was a stay-at-home mom. This didn’t hit me until I had my son. The amount she sacrificed to help us grow into solid human beings was immense. Yet listening to the messages society gave me particularly in high school and college. I started believing that staying at home and raising your children was to be looked down on and weak. That cooking for your family was bad. Women are supposed to show how strong they are and become independent. If you rely on a man you are a gold digger. Now that I am a mom, my perceptions have totally changed. I am amazed at how lucky I was to have a stay-at-home mom and how important it is for my son that I am a stay-at-home mom, as much as I can be. Then reading books about Brest feeding brings an entirely new dimension of caring that makes so much sense to me. By being there for our children, we help them grow into strong confident humans. When we are too busy for them, they beg us for attention when we cannot give it, they get madder and find ways to get our attention. This normally means they act out and we get mad and the cycle continues. There was a moment with my son where I was caught in the cycle. I then started taking things off my calendar and giving my time to him and he started being more secure. 

Now that I am a mommy, giving is not a choice. It is something I always have to do. I have to be fully present and always ready to give. When I have nothing else to give, well I have to find a way to keep giving because this little miracle being needs everything I have to be able to grow up and share his gifts with the world. We have been taught that giving is bad, that when we are depleted we need to push people away. Yes, there are moments when I have to take a break but something that has helped me is thinking of the Hindu Goddess Lakshmi. I remember reading somewhere that she is a fountain of constant giving and when she has nothing to give, she keeps giving and that giving is returned to her. I think that is the most remarkable thing, the amount we give to our children, comes back in miraculous ways. Not always how you thought but if you keep an open mind it comes back even more beautifully. It reminds me of how the heart works. The heart needs very little energy intake for the amount of energy it puts out. It is so much so that engineers cannot replicate it because it makes no logical sense. (Don’t quote me on this go look at https://www.heartmath.com to learn more and see if I am telling you the truth 😃). One thing that I am beyond grateful for is my mother and how she embodied the femine. She was always there for us as children. Yes, she made the sacrifice, when it was not the cool thing to do, and stayed home with me and my sisters. The fact that she put us first, was present with us, and gave us the attention we needed, had a huge impact on how we are as adults. 

I think the hardest part of being a mom is allowing someone else to support me because when I put my full attention to my child, and everything else comes second, that means I make a choice, either I take care of my child, or I pay someone else to sit here and do what looks like nothing but being present my child. The need I have to be with my child, is just as much as he needs to be with me, so I choose to take the fall in being present, responsive and in the flow. Somehow we have been taught that giving is a bad thing and that loving, and nurturing our families is to be looked down on. That depending on someone to financially support us is bad. At some point, it feels like just showing up as a woman is a bad thing. Yet for me, it is the biggest gift that keeps my heart overflowing. Being present with the ones I love, setting space so they can open up like flowers, and nurturing them, is nourishment for my soul.

Something I have to work on is giving my inner female, more space. I have to allow myself to give, to care for my family, to love with everything I have, and let the universe support me. And while I am at it, allow myself to show the gentle, soft, grateful, and vulnerable side of myself in my dance too. I can still do the fun crazy moves, just with a feminine touch and more grace. To be honest I have no clue how this looks. I just know that it is time for me to explore it more.